Week 55 Colonel Bogado Spiritual Cigarettes!

What up y´all.. Not a whole lot here, it´s pday again. I feel like it was pday like 3 days ago and that I just wrote. Oh! I think we´ll be talking through Skype the 13th of May! I´ll keep you posted.. Our English Fast didn´t last as long as I thought it would- it´s just so much easier to speak in English! As for stories.. There´s a couple! A gay dude tried to steal my bible from me. I told us to come back and ¨share¨ with him and said, ¨te quiero¨ or, ¨I love/want you.¨ He was a super flamer. There was a lot more said, but I´ll keep it to the shortened version. Yesterday, there was a WHOPPING 19 people in church! 9 have to take a bus for an hour to get here. There are 3 men in the branch with the Priesthood, 5 counting us.. And the rest are women and children. We bought soccer balls the other day, so that was nice. We found some for like 30 bucks USD and they´re pretty sweet looking! Everyone stares at the 2 big white dudes kick their fancy soccer balls around at 6:30 in the morning. Everyone just stares at us here! It would be like a couple of big black dudes walking around talking to people in Melba all day.. Just to put things into perspective :D

Yesterday we went to walk to church with some of our investigators.. We got to their house at 9:00 in the morning and the lady´s son lives with her and 2 of her grandkids (ages 14 and 17).. Her son is like 28 and he works as a garbage man or something. So we got there at like 9 and he had like 5 friends over and they were WASTED. They could barely even stand up. Then her son came stumbling over to me and said, ¨Who´s gonna fight us?¨ I could have blown a bubble in his face and he would have fallen over. Then he was saying something about someone killing us. It was hard to understand him with how drunk he was. The mom told us to just come back later when he wasnt drunk, so we´re going back tonight. I´m sure he won´t even remember that we came over on Sunday. We have another investigator who´s gonna go out to the village and get us some monkey hands to put on keychains. We´re talking real monkey hands, tails too, that still have the tendons and everything.. They´re pretty sweet!

We´re helping another investigator to quit smoking so we made her ¨spiritual cigarettes¨. It was Elder Wildings idea! So we just took some little squares of paper and wrote some scriptures from the Book of Mormon on the inside and rolled them up like cigarettes! Then we made a little box to put them in and put pictures of Jesus all on the outside. Now when she has the temptation to smoke, she´ll just bust out her spiritual cigarettes! And stop smoking :D Scripture power. So its gonna be pretty awesome! We´re excited to see her progress.

I love getting the updates from Haley about the boys! They sound like they´re funny little guys. I can´t believe Damon´s already gonna turn 2! I remember waiting in the hospital all day and all night for him to finally be born. And I´m excited to meet little Rafe! Drake´s email gave me lots of excitement! Thanks bro! Also, the email from Cale!! (he´s still Elder Patterson to me.. weird..) But I´ll write you back, a letter! Don´t worry!

Alright.. I gotta go now. Dang!
Love you all!! Keep it hood.

Elder Colby Dane Heiner

Week 54

I don`t know what to put in the subject box anymore.. Sorry! We had another fast week! It flew by! I still feel like the time is going by faster and faster. Anywheys! Here`s the questions and answers.. 1.  Have you been able to scope out a good place to Skype on Mother's Day?  I think we can call you through Skype and it's cheap.  We might have to go that route.  Please keep me posted. Yeah I think so.. There`s cameras and stuff here, I`ll just have to download the Skype software. I think we`ll be calling the 12th- it`s a Saturday.   2.  Can you tell us more about you area?  Tell us what you are planning on doing today on your PDay?  Do you ever play soccer? My area is a small city.. There`s not a whole lot of people here. It´s probably the size of Kuna, that`s my guess. But instead of almost everyone being LDS, everyone here is Catholic.. And don`t want to listen to what we say half the time. We want to play soccer but we don´t have a ball! I want to buy one but they`re like 50 bucks. We want to go play soccer for our exercises in the morning to help wake us up and give us energy for the day. So we`re going to try to find a cheaper soccer ball today.   3.  Have you set up anymore outdoor movies like in Santa Rita? No not yet.. We don`t know anyone with a projector! I want to do one because there`s a really big plaza right next to our apartment and there`s always people there. So we`re still on the busqueda..   4.  Are you doing lots of service?  Painting any houses or helping with yardwork or anything like that? Yeah, we do lots of weedeating. Paraguay`s still getting the lawnmower figured out, it`s in its early development stages here or something. So everyone uses weed eaters to cut their grass (if they have any..) So yeah! That`s what`s been going on lately.. We found a couple cool families this last week; they`re gonna get baptized probably. So pray for our investigators! We`re going to have lots of success this week, we`re going to find people that are excited to hear about the Gospel! I`m tired of hearing the same excuses and getting the same results from people. We`re going to find the people who are ready for the Gospel! Not a whole lot happened this week.. Nothing out of the ordinary, no rats or giant cockrotches. Sorry! Ok, I`m not gonna lie, this week was pretty boring. Oh! We have interviews with President Callan on Wednesday! I`m pretty excited for that! I won`t be suprised if he`s an Apostle someday.. He`s a stud! Oh yeah, Elder Wilding and I are doing an English Fast.. We`re not speaking English to eachother, only Spanish! It`s kinda hard sometimes, but it helps a lot! I`m trying to remember what else we did this week but nothings really coming to mind.. I want to do a video for you still! Maybe I`ll do that today.. You asked if you could send me something.. IF you could, I would love some Alex Boye music! He`s a stud! You`ll have to go to mormon.org and watch his ``I`m a Mormon`` video.. Maybe some candy. And Peanut Butter.. and Mapeline.. por favor! :D Alright, I gotta go write President! Let me know how Maui is! Luckies!! :P I love you!! Elder Colby Dane Heiner

One Year!!!

The time just keeps going by faster and faster! I don´t get it.. It´s alright though!
Ok, here´s the questions and answers..

1. What is your internet cafe like where you get to email from?
It´s really good! We´re in a different one today because the other one is closed down for some reason.. He´s probably taking his terere break. Terere is a dirt/herb mix they put in a little metal cup and they drink the water out of it through a straw with a strainer thing on the end.. They can´t live without the stuff! I don´t remember if that cyber has skype cameras or not, I´ll look next week when we go to that one.

2. Will you be able to go to a church house or a member's house that might have a computer so we can Skype? I know you probably haven't been thinking too much about this but we need to talk a bit about it.
None of the members have computers, plus if they did we wouldn´t be able to use them :( that´s one of the rules..

3. How was you most memorable experience this past week?
There was another rat in our apartment a couple days ago! I´ll tell you more about it on question number 5..

4. What was your most spiritual experiene this past week?
Seeing the power of the Priesthood.. Remember a couple weeks ago when we were in the other little city called Artigas? On one of or visits we went to see an ¨inactive¨ member. His name is Fabriciano Zarza and he´s 87 years old, he lives in a barn with a dirt floor and a couple of pigs. When we saw him, I thought he was going to die right there. He couldn´t walk or hardly even talk. His feet were all swolen and he almost couldn´t breathe.. He said one night a couple of his neighbors came over and beat him up and stole all his stuff and sold it. They hit him over the head with something, so he´s got a huge gash in the top of his head. I´ve never seen a humbler situation. He asked us for a blessing so we gave him one.. We went back this last Thursday to go visit some people there in Artigas, and we went and saw him first. He was sitting out the front of his house when he saw us coming.. He yelled, ¨Hermano kuéra!¨ (Hermano=Brother; kuéra=more than one). He got up out of his chair and went inside his little barn house to put his shirt on. He was walking! When we entered in his little patio he was laughing and making jokes with the Hermano Simeon (we had to take him with us because Fabriciano doesn´t speak Spanish.. Only Guaraní). I´ve never seen anything like it.. How just a week before, this man was on the verge of death and a week later he´s back to full health.. The Priesthood is real.

5. What was your funniest experience this past week?
The rat! I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying off and Elder Wilding yells; ¨Elder Heiner! There´s a huge rat out here!!¨ No way.. We just killed a rat like a month ago.. Well, I get out of the bathroom, and sure enough! There was a huge rat running around in our apartment! This time, we didn´t put out any rat poison.. We chased that sucker around the house til we got it! Elder Wilding nailed it with our floor squeedgie.. It was awesome! And we think it was pregnant, but we´ll never know for sure. So that was a fun night!

That´s pretty much what happened this week.. I started reading the Book of Mormon in Spanish a few days ago! I want to finish it before the change ends! I have about a month.. I´m on page 80 somethin.. Laman and Lemuel were such whiners! If I were Lehi, I would have smacked them up side the head, show them who´s boss. I´m sure everyone is droppin the cane on them in the spirit world.. If only they just would have listened to what Nefi and Lehi said.. But I´m picking up a lot more stuff this time than from the last time I read it. And I´m trying to do what Nefi taught in 1 Nefi 19:23- Liken all scriptures unto myself. I love the scriptures!

We´re trying to find the kingdom builders here.. It´s been hard because almost everyone says, ¨I can´t talk to you.. I´m Catholic¨ I think Catholicism here is different than in the States. Here everyone just worships Mary y hasta allí no mas.. They believe that Mary saves us, like she carries us to be judged or something and she tells Jesus what to do with us. I never heard that before I came here! I have friends that are Catholic at home and I´m pretty sure they don´t believe that´s how it is.. I think it´s just like that here because of the dictatorship for like 200 years made it so only Catholicism was allowed here. Paraguay got it´s religious freedom like 30 years ago. They don´t know anything else, and it seems like everyone is too scared to even LISTEN. Or to take our invitation- to ASK GOD through prayer and find out for themselves. So yeah, we´re trying to find the people that are excited to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

Anywheys.. That´s about all I got for this week! I´ll find out that Skype stuff and let you know next week.. I´m almost positive I´ll be able to use Skype this time :D
I love you!! Thanks for all your support and love :D

Elder Colby Dane Heiner
aka
Heinstein